One of those days.

Today has been one of those days. You know the days. The ones where everything can and will be difficult. It started with my son being awake sick from 3:00 to 5:00 this morning. Then, I had both of my childcare kids here at 7:30 as well as my friend's son who I trade kids with once a week. Lost count? That's 5 kids in the house to get ready for the day. I know a lot of people have that many kids. I don't. It's a challenge for us. But we did manage to get everyone out of the house and headed to church for MOPS. Well, let's just see the day in schedule form, okay?

3:00am: Puppy(my son) wakes up
5:00 am: Puppy goes back to sleep
5:45am: Wake up and take shower
6:30 am: Munchkin(my daughter) awake
6:40am: Puppy wakes up for day
7:05am: 1st childcare girl gets here
7:25am: 2nd chidlcare girl gets here
7:30am: make breakfast for my kids
7:40am: pack lunch for Munchkin and get backpack ready and dressed for school
7:50am: friend's son gets here
8:10am: start trying to load kids into car for church
8:19am: actually get all kids in car for church
8:30am: work in nursery at church
10:45am: leave church to take two older kids to school
11:00am: get back to church to work again
11:30am: head home to feed littles
12:35pm: get phone call that my cousin had a miscarriage*
1:15pm: leave for doctor for Puppy appt
2:35pm: leave doctor's office with diagnosis of sinus infection, double ear infection, bronchitis, and pink eye
2:45pm: pick up Munchkin from friend's house
2:55pm: drop off Puppy's prescriptions
3:15pm: pick up Puppy's prescriptions
3:45pm: return home, change diapers, feed kids
4:00pm: 1st childcare girl goes home
4:35pm: 2nd childcare girl goes home
4:45pm: sit and rock my sick Puppy

Quite the day, right? I really can handle all of it. Even the crying, which I left out in the rundown. The one I can't quite handle? That one at 12:35. The one with the star. The loss. See, this is the 3rd person I'm close to who has lost a baby in 7 weeks. Two cousins and a best friend. The heart break for them. The hurt for myself as it reminds me of my own pregnancy loss seven years ago. If I was a drinker, I'd be three sheets to the wind by now. But I'm not. I turn to food when life is tough. And today, life is tough. And all I want to do is eat. And eat. And eat. The kind of eating where I don't have to think,feel, or hurt. Even if it's just for an hour. The kind of eating where I feel like vomiting when it's over and my mouth literally aches from the quantity of food consumed. I want sugar, fried foods, comfort foods, soda, ice cream. You name it, I have wanted to eat it today.

But I haven't. Which is actually quite amazing. Even while I ran my errands and the fast food places were oh so tempting, I kept driving. It physically hurt. The temptation. The desire. The urge. The need. But I resisted. And I'm proud of that. But what I'm left with sucks. Because all the feelings, exhaustion, pain, tears, and heartache aren't being numbed by mindless consumption. They're just here. Being felt. And that part definitely sucks.