The number of calories consumed today by eating Halloween candy.
To be exact:
1 Fun Size Twix
2 Fun Size Skittles
1 Fun Size Baby Ruth
1 Fun Size Take 5
1 Fun Size Peanut Butter M&Ms
1 Tootsie Pop
1 Bag Scarecrow snack mix
All those "fun size" candies don't seem so fun at the moment. :(
On to the next meal. This does not have to change anything.
Monday, October 31, 2011
the weekend....
I had a blast on vacation this weekend! It was such a great time of relaxing and enjoying my kids and visiting with girlfriends. It makes me sad sometimes that it only happens once a year. :(
But, in other news, my food and activity levels did great! We did in fact hit the Italian place, where I split the lasagna with my mother and did not order the house salad and homemade garlic bread that usually goes along with it. And, because my mom and I sent the guys home with the trailer while we went shopping, I did not go to the burger joint at all. We did end up eating dinner at Applebee's, but I still stayed well within my calorie range for the day! Yes!!
On Saturday afternoon, we walked uptown and checked out the shops. One of which is this amazing small town style candy shop. I usually get a bag of candy that lasts for a couple days. This weekend, I got one salted caramel truffle, ate half of it and gave the other half to my husband. It tasted delicious. I wanted it, got it, enjoyed the flavor, but was okay with just the bite. I'm sure that won't always be the case, but it worked this time. Same with the birthday cake we had that afternoon. It looked delicious. So I used a fork to get one yummy bite out of his piece and was satisfied with that. The cake tasted even better than it looked, but rather than eat a plate full of it, I got to sample the taste with about 1/15 of the calories. And I didn't feel guilty either time. The guilt is probably even better progress than the food itself. I ate healthy, energizing food for all other meals and those few treats were just that. Treats. That I enjoyed.
So, of my 5 goals for the weekend, I accomplished all of them. I work up at 6:30 both mornings and went walking for an hour. Had a great time with my family. Ate well. Absolutely enjoyed my italian food. And only ate 1 thing out of the candy buckets.
I consider this weekend a complete success!
But, in other news, my food and activity levels did great! We did in fact hit the Italian place, where I split the lasagna with my mother and did not order the house salad and homemade garlic bread that usually goes along with it. And, because my mom and I sent the guys home with the trailer while we went shopping, I did not go to the burger joint at all. We did end up eating dinner at Applebee's, but I still stayed well within my calorie range for the day! Yes!!
On Saturday afternoon, we walked uptown and checked out the shops. One of which is this amazing small town style candy shop. I usually get a bag of candy that lasts for a couple days. This weekend, I got one salted caramel truffle, ate half of it and gave the other half to my husband. It tasted delicious. I wanted it, got it, enjoyed the flavor, but was okay with just the bite. I'm sure that won't always be the case, but it worked this time. Same with the birthday cake we had that afternoon. It looked delicious. So I used a fork to get one yummy bite out of his piece and was satisfied with that. The cake tasted even better than it looked, but rather than eat a plate full of it, I got to sample the taste with about 1/15 of the calories. And I didn't feel guilty either time. The guilt is probably even better progress than the food itself. I ate healthy, energizing food for all other meals and those few treats were just that. Treats. That I enjoyed.
So, of my 5 goals for the weekend, I accomplished all of them. I work up at 6:30 both mornings and went walking for an hour. Had a great time with my family. Ate well. Absolutely enjoyed my italian food. And only ate 1 thing out of the candy buckets.
I consider this weekend a complete success!
Friday, October 28, 2011
upcoming....
I worked out at 5:30 this morning. It was brutal. But I did it! What brought on this craziness? Well, I'm headed out of town this weekend. I'm going on our annual Halloween camping trip with our church. In the past, the best things about this weekend are:
1) this amazing Italian restaurant in the town
2) watching my kids trick or treat
3) the incredible burger joint across the street
See the problem with that list there? That's my reality. A family vacation sounds fun, but what I am really looking forward is what I'll eat there. That's how it's always been. Food as entertainment. Food as comfort. Food as reward. Food as consolation. It's an ugly pattern. But familiar and so hard to break free from. I'm headed into this weekend feeling pretty strong. I know that I will probably end up eating at both places mentioned above because my family loves them too and we only go there once a year.
Goals for the weekend:
1) Share meals when eating out
2) Make healthy choices for all other meals/snacks
3) Do NOT overdo on candy from kids' buckets
4) ENJOY what I do eat and don't feel guilty or ashamed
5) Get at least 30 mins. of purposeful exercise in both days
If I can accomplish these things, I will consider myself a success regardless of the scale. Regardless of the scale. Regardless of the scale. This is my mantra for the weekend.
Woohoo! Beach weekend, here I come!
1) this amazing Italian restaurant in the town
2) watching my kids trick or treat
3) the incredible burger joint across the street
See the problem with that list there? That's my reality. A family vacation sounds fun, but what I am really looking forward is what I'll eat there. That's how it's always been. Food as entertainment. Food as comfort. Food as reward. Food as consolation. It's an ugly pattern. But familiar and so hard to break free from. I'm headed into this weekend feeling pretty strong. I know that I will probably end up eating at both places mentioned above because my family loves them too and we only go there once a year.
Goals for the weekend:
1) Share meals when eating out
2) Make healthy choices for all other meals/snacks
3) Do NOT overdo on candy from kids' buckets
4) ENJOY what I do eat and don't feel guilty or ashamed
5) Get at least 30 mins. of purposeful exercise in both days
If I can accomplish these things, I will consider myself a success regardless of the scale. Regardless of the scale. Regardless of the scale. This is my mantra for the weekend.
Woohoo! Beach weekend, here I come!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
about last night.....
Since meeting with the dietician, I have been trying to follow her advice to eat every 2-3 hours. Her recommendation is that even if I'm not "hungry" per se, the goal is to train my body to trust that I'm going to feed it regularly. I have overeaten and binged and then crash dieted so much that, according to her, my body doesn't trust me. So, even if it's something small, she told me to just make sure to eat regularly. It is also supposed to be helping my blood sugar levels stay more even instead of the roller coaster I tend to keep them on. And I have been doing this pretty well, except yesterday I did horrible at it.
Actually, I barely ate anything all day. A bagel at 6 am. A string cheese at 11:30. A slice of french bread at 2:45. And that was it. Around about 4:30, I kinda started to spaz. My mind was racing all over the board. I teared up about 5 times. I felt frantic. Working out was the last thing I wanted to do. I normally get to the gym around 6pm. Last night, at 6:07, I practically crawled out the door kicking and screaming. Then, on the whole drive there, I debated even going. Maybe going to get some ice cream instead. Or maybe just turning around and going home. I mean, they close at 7. I knew I couldn't get my whole set in. I might as well do none. Great thoughts, right? Finally, I pulled into the parking lot and got out of my car.
Upon walking in, the trainer could tell I was off. I practically threw my keys on the counter. And grumbled through my entire first cardio set. I was just off. As I started through my exercises, my balance was crap. I fell off the step up board, my legs kept coming off the exercise ball, and I was literally shaking all over. Then it hit me, duh! My blood sugar was in the toilet. No food equaled no energy. After pressing on and finishing about 80% of my routine, I headed home. And proceeded to eat a rather hearty dinner of leftover pot roast, skinny mashed potatoes, carrots, and onions.
The truth is, I know that if I had stayed home, I would have eaten some of my daughter's halloween candy. Or a slice of the champagne cake my parents had brought over. Or both. Instead, after dinner, I completed the other 20% of my workouts in my computer room.
And went to bed feeling so glad that I had gone to the gym instead of giving up!
Actually, I barely ate anything all day. A bagel at 6 am. A string cheese at 11:30. A slice of french bread at 2:45. And that was it. Around about 4:30, I kinda started to spaz. My mind was racing all over the board. I teared up about 5 times. I felt frantic. Working out was the last thing I wanted to do. I normally get to the gym around 6pm. Last night, at 6:07, I practically crawled out the door kicking and screaming. Then, on the whole drive there, I debated even going. Maybe going to get some ice cream instead. Or maybe just turning around and going home. I mean, they close at 7. I knew I couldn't get my whole set in. I might as well do none. Great thoughts, right? Finally, I pulled into the parking lot and got out of my car.
Upon walking in, the trainer could tell I was off. I practically threw my keys on the counter. And grumbled through my entire first cardio set. I was just off. As I started through my exercises, my balance was crap. I fell off the step up board, my legs kept coming off the exercise ball, and I was literally shaking all over. Then it hit me, duh! My blood sugar was in the toilet. No food equaled no energy. After pressing on and finishing about 80% of my routine, I headed home. And proceeded to eat a rather hearty dinner of leftover pot roast, skinny mashed potatoes, carrots, and onions.
The truth is, I know that if I had stayed home, I would have eaten some of my daughter's halloween candy. Or a slice of the champagne cake my parents had brought over. Or both. Instead, after dinner, I completed the other 20% of my workouts in my computer room.
And went to bed feeling so glad that I had gone to the gym instead of giving up!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
where i am now....
A few weeks ago my mother received an e-mail about a kids fitness program going on in our town. It was being hosted by a local physical therapy company that also has weight loss programs. While researching the kids program, I became more and more interested in their adult program.
Basically, it's a twelve week exercise and diet regimen that is designed for weight loss. After the twelve weeks, you can then continue going to their facilities to workout like a gym. The difference? You basically work with a personal trainer the entire time every time you go. This is the part that made it appealing to me. I have a gym membership. I have gone sporadically in the past, but all I ever really knew to do is use the treadmill. After a few sessions of 30-45 minutes of walking, it gets old real fast. And I know in all honesty that it isn't doing much for me. So this seemed great. The workout is pre-planned for you. Just show up and follow instructions. Each time I leave and my trainer asks when I'll be back, it feels like making an appointment rather than just choosing to work out. This is the start of my 3rd week and I'm noticing a difference already. The pounds aren't exactly flying off, but I feel different. My flexibility and strength is definitely improving already.
At the same time, I am seeing one of their dieticians to work on my disordered eating. That's a new term I have learned recently. Apparently, my views on food and relationship with the food I eat is as much a factor in my problems as the sheer quantity of food I eat. So we're working on that. More of that to come in the future.
For now, here is the current workout routing for this week:
5 mins. cardio
Ab circuit: 2 sets
50 sec. plank
30 back arcs
30 shin-to-toe crunches
30 cross crunch left
30 cross crunch right
30 bicycle crunches
Station 2: 3 sets
Squat & press w/ 5 lb. weights
10 push-ups (leaning against table)
Station 3: Legs 2 sets
10 squats
10 lunges
10 step ups
10 jumping jacks
10 tricep dips
5 mins. cardio
Station 4: 2 sets
10 bridge on exercise ball
10 bridge with roll-in
10 bridge with curled toes
Station 5: 2 sets
10 bent rows
15 arm lifts out in front
15 arm lifts to side
15 arm raises with arms turned inward
5 mins. cardio
I finished all of the sets on Monday. Headed out for tonight's workout in about an hour. Wish me luck!
Basically, it's a twelve week exercise and diet regimen that is designed for weight loss. After the twelve weeks, you can then continue going to their facilities to workout like a gym. The difference? You basically work with a personal trainer the entire time every time you go. This is the part that made it appealing to me. I have a gym membership. I have gone sporadically in the past, but all I ever really knew to do is use the treadmill. After a few sessions of 30-45 minutes of walking, it gets old real fast. And I know in all honesty that it isn't doing much for me. So this seemed great. The workout is pre-planned for you. Just show up and follow instructions. Each time I leave and my trainer asks when I'll be back, it feels like making an appointment rather than just choosing to work out. This is the start of my 3rd week and I'm noticing a difference already. The pounds aren't exactly flying off, but I feel different. My flexibility and strength is definitely improving already.
At the same time, I am seeing one of their dieticians to work on my disordered eating. That's a new term I have learned recently. Apparently, my views on food and relationship with the food I eat is as much a factor in my problems as the sheer quantity of food I eat. So we're working on that. More of that to come in the future.
For now, here is the current workout routing for this week:
5 mins. cardio
Ab circuit: 2 sets
50 sec. plank
30 back arcs
30 shin-to-toe crunches
30 cross crunch left
30 cross crunch right
30 bicycle crunches
Station 2: 3 sets
Squat & press w/ 5 lb. weights
10 push-ups (leaning against table)
Station 3: Legs 2 sets
10 squats
10 lunges
10 step ups
10 jumping jacks
10 tricep dips
5 mins. cardio
Station 4: 2 sets
10 bridge on exercise ball
10 bridge with roll-in
10 bridge with curled toes
Station 5: 2 sets
10 bent rows
15 arm lifts out in front
15 arm lifts to side
15 arm raises with arms turned inward
5 mins. cardio
I finished all of the sets on Monday. Headed out for tonight's workout in about an hour. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
on the road again.....
Almost two and a half years. That's how long it's been since I wrote those initial two posts. How did all that turn out? Great, actually. I dropped 50 pounds by late August and found out that I had gotten pregnant all on my own. No assistance needed. And no, I'm not in denial over the fact that the weight loss played into a huge part of that. But then....
I ate it all back. Cause really, isn't that how it happens? Baby came in April 2010. By January 2011, weight was 291. Almost 300 lbs. Oh boy. Apparently even that wasn't enough because here I sit in October at 278. Wondering more and more where my life is going. What will be the real wake-up call. I so don't want to continue this constant back and forth cycle of weight loss and always being the fat girl in the room for the rest of my life.
I am hoping that the time has come. I have been seeing more and more the weight that my daughter is gaining at 5 years old and I truly panic over her life looking like mine has. Diets starting at 10 years old. Followed by everday fluctuating between feeling like a success for not overeating or a failure for eating too much. Food being the master of the life. I want to stop this now. For me, for her, for the whole family.
And two weeks ago, on October 12, 2011 this new section of the road began.
"I will do today what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't." -Jerry Rice
I ate it all back. Cause really, isn't that how it happens? Baby came in April 2010. By January 2011, weight was 291. Almost 300 lbs. Oh boy. Apparently even that wasn't enough because here I sit in October at 278. Wondering more and more where my life is going. What will be the real wake-up call. I so don't want to continue this constant back and forth cycle of weight loss and always being the fat girl in the room for the rest of my life.
I am hoping that the time has come. I have been seeing more and more the weight that my daughter is gaining at 5 years old and I truly panic over her life looking like mine has. Diets starting at 10 years old. Followed by everday fluctuating between feeling like a success for not overeating or a failure for eating too much. Food being the master of the life. I want to stop this now. For me, for her, for the whole family.
And two weeks ago, on October 12, 2011 this new section of the road began.
"I will do today what others won't, so tomorrow I can do what others can't." -Jerry Rice
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
the plan....
Friday, April 24th. I go to see my OBGYN. I love her. She walks into the room and asks why I have come in to see her. I tell her that I want to have another baby.
Her response? "Not at this weight."
What weight is she talking about? 273 lbs. My all-time highest weight. This is the highest number I have ever seen on a scale.
From there, I receive the butt-kicking that I very much so need. Some patients would hate it. I, on the other hand, really love it that day. It is exactly what I need to hear.
She nicely but firmly tells me that for my health and the health of a baby, she will not help me get pregnant at this time. If I insist on pursuing a pregnancy at my current weight I will have to go back to the fertility specialist I worked with on my first pregnancy. Instead, she tells me that I have a (specific quote here) "wishy-washy" personality. She looks over my chart and sees that in the last 3 years I have gone off and on my medications to control my PCOS and birth control numerous times. This is partially why my cycles and hormones and moods and weight is so erratic to begin with. I am never faithful to stay on them and let them do the job that they are supposed to do.
Her preferred plan?
In the next six months......
-take 100mg Topamax daily faithfully (prescribed by other doctor)
-take 1500mg Metformin daily faithfully
-get as close to 200 lbs as possible
-find someone (counseling, Weight Watchers group, etc.) to help with core of eating issues
-keep menstrual record chart consistently
-starting in July chart Basal Body temperature consistently
.....return in October with all completed and then we will start working on getting pregnant with my next child.
And how am I doing so far? Well, I haven't missed a single dose of medication since that day!! Woohoo! This is nothing short of a miracle for me. And as of last Saturday I am 2 pounds shy of 30 pounds lost. Working hard and keeping at. One of the last things she said to me in April was that I needed to decide what I wanted and then decide if I was willing to put in the work to reach that goal. I want this and I am going to do everything I need to do in order to get there..........
Her response? "Not at this weight."
What weight is she talking about? 273 lbs. My all-time highest weight. This is the highest number I have ever seen on a scale.
From there, I receive the butt-kicking that I very much so need. Some patients would hate it. I, on the other hand, really love it that day. It is exactly what I need to hear.
She nicely but firmly tells me that for my health and the health of a baby, she will not help me get pregnant at this time. If I insist on pursuing a pregnancy at my current weight I will have to go back to the fertility specialist I worked with on my first pregnancy. Instead, she tells me that I have a (specific quote here) "wishy-washy" personality. She looks over my chart and sees that in the last 3 years I have gone off and on my medications to control my PCOS and birth control numerous times. This is partially why my cycles and hormones and moods and weight is so erratic to begin with. I am never faithful to stay on them and let them do the job that they are supposed to do.
Her preferred plan?
In the next six months......
-take 100mg Topamax daily faithfully (prescribed by other doctor)
-take 1500mg Metformin daily faithfully
-get as close to 200 lbs as possible
-find someone (counseling, Weight Watchers group, etc.) to help with core of eating issues
-keep menstrual record chart consistently
-starting in July chart Basal Body temperature consistently
.....return in October with all completed and then we will start working on getting pregnant with my next child.
And how am I doing so far? Well, I haven't missed a single dose of medication since that day!! Woohoo! This is nothing short of a miracle for me. And as of last Saturday I am 2 pounds shy of 30 pounds lost. Working hard and keeping at. One of the last things she said to me in April was that I needed to decide what I wanted and then decide if I was willing to put in the work to reach that goal. I want this and I am going to do everything I need to do in order to get there..........
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