Weigh In Day No. 14

No matter how many times I do this, it always stinks to see how fast weight comes back on compared to how hard it is to take it off. Before my anniversary trip in February, I weighed 257 lbs. Now, just 8 weeks later, there it is. 270 lbs. Yuck. That's almost 2 lbs. a week. Yowza. But I choose today to be ever moving forward.

I'm Back

8 weeks.  It has been an 8 week hiatus from eating well and working out.  It's amazing how fast time can go by.  Over the weekend I went on a retreat with our church and was so frustrated by how my clothes fit and my lack of physical ability while walking around the mountains, that I knew it was time.  I had to get back on track.  So yesterday I started to no longer eat the whole house.  And tonight I am headed back to the gym. Honestly, I'm terrified but I have missed it and I need it.  It feels good to be back.

Scattered

Nothing like falling off the face of the earth, huh?  I think about posting every day, it just hasn't been happening.  At first, it was because I was busy.  Then, the weight started to going up because the eating increased.  Then, the bingeing.  It has been bad.  Probably the worst period in quite awhile.  And now, as of today, it's been two weeks since I've worked out.  I could give plenty of excuses (some valid, some not) but mostly it has just been that I find myself in a serious funk.  And it's a self-fulfilling cycle.  I eat way too much.  Then I don't feel like working out when I"m so full I could vomit at any moment.  Then I'm even more mad at myself.  Which leads to more eating, and so forth.  Got word from the doc today that exercising is off the table for about another week due to some sickness going on, and I'm not feeling real encouraged.  Every morning I wake up and tell myself "Today's the day.  Back on track."  And by about 10 am I am stuffing myself again.

The scale?  I have no photographic evidence but today it said 267.9.  That's a 10 pound gain in less than 3 weeks.  Seriously?  Trying so hard to hold on.  I have been reading other bloggers who share their stories about just keeping on.  Knowing that it's a journey.  Trying to remind myself of that today. 

This is a journey.  I have fallen down.  I can get back up. I will get back up.

Binge....sorta

Yesterday was a less than stellar day.  I decided about mid-morning that I wanted candy.  A candy binge to be more exact.  So, I PLANNED, that after dropping my daughter off at kindergarten that I would go buy some.  I went to the grocery store and got a bag of fun size Snickers, a bag of fun size Baby Ruth, a bag of fun size Milky Way, and a bag of Hostess donettes.  Then I came home and sat down to eat.  It did not go as planned.  For whatever reason, they just did not taste like I thought it would.  I ended up eating less than half the bag of donuts (about 10 mini chocolate donuts), 4 Baby Ruth bars, and about 6 of the Milky Way bars.  I never even opened the Snickers bag and I ended up throwing away all the rest of the food.  Calorie wise, it was a lot but not earth shattering.  More than anything it was eye-opening.  I have been reading Intuitive Eating (more on that later) and I just kept thinking "Does this taste good?  Am I enjoying it?" And honestly, the answer was no.  I couldn't even really force myself to eat it.  Hopefully, this means some progress is being made.  I'm trying my best to use my "Food Anthropologist" voice and simply observe yesterday's actions, evaluate the whys, and move on.  No shame and judgement.  Just the facts.  It's working a little.  Turns out, that my mother, my husband, and myself all went a little crazy yesterday craving sugar.  The only thing that was different in our eating?  The night before we had Mexican food at a restaurant.  Makes me wonder if something about that triggered it.  Food for thought.....

Weigh-in Day No. 13

Yes! Yes! Yes!  Out of the 260's.  And it feels great!

Weigh-in Day No. 12

On a roll now.  I have been killing it in the gym and my food choices have been great!  Almost down to my lowest weight of this journey so far! 

Weigh-in Day No. 11

About a 3 pound loss.  Much better than last week!  And I have got to get a pedicure.  Sheesh.